So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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