yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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