The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
