my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am available for nakedness
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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