he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The power of my boobs compel you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
