once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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