Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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