I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
