Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize