the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize