after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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