the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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