Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
