I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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