I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
