My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
