just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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