this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
