So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
