Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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