She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
