Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I only lived at night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
