I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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