one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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