why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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