He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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