I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
