How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
