apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
