sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
