I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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