i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
