Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
