We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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