I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
