Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
