Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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