the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
