I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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