in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
