meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
