I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
