someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All the doctor said was why
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
