Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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