a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
