I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
