In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
