I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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