ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize