nut hugger
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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