The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize