I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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