Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
