grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
