Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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