4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
