i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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