the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
