My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
