Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
