I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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