i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
