you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dude. I can hear the air.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
