Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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