I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
