I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
