The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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