in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
