Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
