It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
