Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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