end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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