do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
