So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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