She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
