operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
