Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
