all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
