I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
