Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
