Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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