If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize