Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
