ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
