Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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