I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
