checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
