some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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