oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
