I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This baby is an asshole
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
