She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
