just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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