hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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