oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
