in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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