I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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