2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
