$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize