The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
