For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize