I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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