Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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