dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
