when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
