I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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