A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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