There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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