Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
