I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
