First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
