3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
