You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
